Friday, September 3, 2010


Preliminary Warning: do not read this post if you don't like complaining and brutal honesty... :)

UGH!!! I did not like today. My stomach has been hurting all day, I was exhausted during lectures, someone squished my play-dough flower that took me 2 1/2 hours to make, and my heart hurts.

Let me explain. So, the day started off great (besides waking up late) with toaster pancakes!! (They're like pre-cooked pancakes you just put in the toaster...weird but good). Then it went downhill. Devotion was alright but the guy asked us to go ask God to speak to us and then come back, so it was cut short and not too inspirational, the only word I got was "Joshua" and I'm pretty sure I just got that because the last guy I passed before going to my room was a guy named Josh... or maybe it was God and I'm just grumpy.

Lecture was alright, but I wanted to fall asleep the whole time and it was hard to focus. Then our speaker told us to go out and be confident that God would speak to us in a new way and come back and tell us what happened. So, after 20 minutes of straining my ears and eyes trying to discern God's voice I came back to the room pretty disappointed and struggling not to get my hopes down...but I lost that struggle.

After a lunch where I ate too much I headed over to the coffee shop to check my e-mail. It rained right before I left so my Toms were soaked by the time I got to the shop which caused my toes to turn into frozen raisins.

And the coffee shop is a whole different story. It was basically the worst two hours I've had since arrival in Australia. The only redeeming quality was that my sister was on skype encouraging me the whole time. I am so incredibly blessed to have her as a sister - she's my best friend. She stayed up and gave me advice without pushing it on me, she made jokes to keep me from crying in public, and she turned on the video even though the audio wouldn't work just so she could see my face and I could see hers. She even stayed up waaaaay after her bedtime to help me through it!! Which, if you know her is a BIG deal!

After I finished at the coffee shop I picked up my bruised heart and made the walk home having to act "together" and give the girl I walked with advice - which oddly enough kinda helped me heal. But, all I wanted to do when I got home was lay in my bed, listen to my ipod, cover my head with a blanket and cry. But, LaChelle wanted someone to walk with her to the coffee shop again so we skipped dinner and walked together - which was nice.

Now, I'm here sitting miserably in a hard wooden chair listening to stupid music on the radio rushing to write this email so I won't be late for our first performing arts workshop tonight.

Bleh. That's pretty much what I'm feeling right now. Just Bleh. I don't even have enough emotional or physical energy to write something redeeming at the end of this blog, so you can just add your own I guess.



  1. Oh, dear Clancy. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us today. I've been meaning to write a verse to you for the past week that is a significant verse to me whenever there are times I feel homesick and kind of lonely. I've let other things creep into my time, but when you wrote about "Joshua" coming to mind, it was a trigger to me from the Lord to get on right now and share the verse with you.

    It's Joshua 1:9 which says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." It's when the Lord was instructing Joshua before entering into the Promised Land. I'd encourage you to read the whole chapter to see the full context, but that's the main verse that the Lord continues to bring to mind when I'm homesick or feeling discouraged, particularly when I'm in a new place. I pray the Lord uses it to encourage your spirit as well.

    He loves you and may you sleep peacefully tonight!

  2. Hi Clancy! Found you here thru your mom's twitter feed and clicked over because my husband did YWAM in Sydney 10 years ago and I was curious about it. If it is any consolation to you -- I thank you for being so honest about your experiences right now. I am married to an extrovert who is very passionate about overseas missions...and I'm the opposite: I'm a little shy and easily homesick. We are very clear with God that I am at my best when serving locally (we live in NYC, so it is kinda fantastic -- tons of people from around the world live right here!) However, well-meaning folks tend to think I ought to go overseas with my husband as if we are a packaged deal or something: siiiiiiigh. ("No. You don't want me. I"M THE WEAK LINK. I flip out if I'm in an airplane for more than 5 hours and I can't even understand why people camp for fun.") I think you are so brave! Please continue writing! I am enjoying and appreciating your blog very much. -- Erin G.

  3. Sorry :( Hope the next day brings better feelings for you. Will say a prayer for you.

  4. I came to give this to you, and saw that Spicy Magnolia already has. But here it is again...

    Joshua 1:8,9

  5. Sweet Clancy, I'm sorry you're day wasn't the best... But know that I love you and God definitely loves you especially when all you're feeling is bleh. This is merely a bump in the road along an amazing journey that God has you on. I'm praying for you and know that amazing things are in store for you!

  6. Hi Clancy :)
    I'm sure you know, but just as a reminder... always listen with your heart.

    I'm sorry to hear about your day. I hope things will get better. Praying for you.


  7. Hang in there, Clancy. Some days are hard and some days are harder..........even in America. Praying for you!! Something someone shared with me during a time when it seemed that God was silent in my life was to ask Him if and why He was being silent. Interesting thing was that that seemed to open the "connection" again. Of course it wasn't that He was being silent as much as it was that I wasn't in a listening mood................... Some days are hard and some days are harder!!

  8. Hi Clancy, I too found your blog through your mom's tweets. I'm a Texan (Dallas) that serves w/ a mission organization in the UK. So many things are similar to AUS- the toaster pancake made me laugh. I know exactly what you are talking about.

    Anyway, just wanted to encourage you- know that you are not alone in your homesickness and you will look back on this time as very fond. I've been here 6 yrs. and still miss TX so much-and my family of course. Part of our job here is that my husband works with a gap year program and we train/disciple uni students just like yourself. We have students from all over- many Americans- and it's so neat to do life with them for the 6 -12 months they are here. They all start out homesick and by the time their time is up they are begging to stay longer and end up loving the UK. Anyway...sorry to ramble.

    Hope your week is better this week!