Here's a little update to my previous blog:
I sat outside by myself for a while listening to music (guess who I listened to...) and then I just sat there in the dark and talked to God for a while. It was okay - but my heart was still aching.
Then I saw a cat and followed it for a little bit - nothing supernatural happened, though.
Then I went upstairs and sat in the worship hall with the lights off for a while and listened to more music, looked at pictures, and acted like I was playing God at speed on my iphone.
Even though I wasn't really feeling better I guess I realized something...I was "alone". I was my worst fear. Alone and out of reach of others. Everyone at home was asleep so even if I had tried to contact them they wouldn't be able to answer (and I didn't even try to contact them, which is a MAJOR breakthrough in and of itself). And, I was okay. I wasn't necessarily overjoyed to be alone, but I wasn't terrified!!
It's a start, right?
Well, after about an hour or so by myself I went downstairs to putz around on the internet and ended up catching a ride to the supermarket. I bought some mango icecream and then ran into some girls from my school. We all walked back together and had a late night snack.
Now, I'm waiting for my mom to get on skype so we can have a date.
I'm still not completely better and I still don't feel completely joyful but, I faced my worst fear and overcame it - and it wasn't even that hard...it makes me scared that it was just the first of many times I'll have to face it. But, it'll be like a little altar on my road that I can look back at and remember what God did during that time!
I'm glad I had time to update everyone that my day was indeed a roller coaster of emotions as opposed to a downward spiral, and right now I'm on the plateau that will bring my little roller coaster cart back to dock so I can go to sleep for the night. Just in time to get up for another ride tomorrow! :)