Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Roller Coaster Update!! (Read Previous Blog First)

Here's a little update to my previous blog:

I sat outside by myself for a while listening to music (guess who I listened to...) and then I just sat there in the dark and talked to God for a while. It was okay - but my heart was still aching.

Then I saw a cat and followed it for a little bit - nothing supernatural happened, though.

Then I went upstairs and sat in the worship hall with the lights off for a while and listened to more music, looked at pictures, and acted like I was playing God at speed on my iphone.

Even though I wasn't really feeling better I guess I realized something...I was "alone". I was my worst fear. Alone and out of reach of others. Everyone at home was asleep so even if I had tried to contact them they wouldn't be able to answer (and I didn't even try to contact them, which is a MAJOR breakthrough in and of itself). And, I was okay. I wasn't necessarily overjoyed to be alone, but I wasn't terrified!!

It's a start, right?

Well, after about an hour or so by myself I went downstairs to putz around on the internet and ended up catching a ride to the supermarket. I bought some mango icecream and then ran into some girls from my school. We all walked back together and had a late night snack.

Now, I'm waiting for my mom to get on skype so we can have a date.

I'm still not completely better and I still don't feel completely joyful but, I faced my worst fear and overcame it - and it wasn't even that makes me scared that it was just the first of many times I'll have to face it. But, it'll be like a little altar on my road that I can look back at and remember what God did during that time!

I'm glad I had time to update everyone that my day was indeed a roller coaster of emotions as opposed to a downward spiral, and right now I'm on the plateau that will bring my little roller coaster cart back to dock so I can go to sleep for the night. Just in time to get up for another ride tomorrow! :)



  1. I think you are amazing! It takes a LOT of courage to share so openly! Praying for you continuously.

    Janet Furlow

  2. Clancy, I admire you for being so open. Most of us just gloss over our insecurities - and keep them totally to ourselves. I pray that you'll just feel totally wrapped up in God's love, and that He will give you peace. We love you and are constantly praying for you. And, as always, your Grandpa Cauble is absolutely loving reading about your life. He prays for you constantly - what a rich, wonderful heritage for you! Aunt Sherilyn

  3. Clancy! It's Allegra, from CDA. I know we haven't spoken in...well, literally years I think? But I just happened upon your blog via facebook today and wanted to let you know what a blessing it was because I'm currently in Europe, pretty much on my own - new place, new people, new language, new culture. Today was a particularly difficult day, so it was bizarre that I would come to your blog today and you would give voice to a lot of what I'm feeling right now, as we're going through very similar transitions at the exact same time. So thank you, it's comforting. :)

    I know it's really hard at times, and it might get worse before it gets better completely, but it WILL get better. I hope your time in Australia is everything you want it to be and more! Keep smiling!

    -- Allegra

  4. Clancy, Praying for you as you face and overcome obstacles.

  5. cute Clancy,
    i love nichole nordeman. she sings what's in our hearts. just singing with her yesterday made mopping a worship experience :)
    praying for you here in my kitchen in Kansas. for you to be the brave one you are.
    I think we all struggle with our own horrible fears and have to face the lies of the enemy with knowing God's character. It is ALWAYS for our good, no exception. Surely God knows we are fragile and hears us in our deepest most vunerable parts and longs to repair us stitch by stitch, day by day. He is so faithful and able...and every day you open your eyes, it is His gift to you to prove it. i pray He wipes all of your "what if's" away with His overwhelming presence.
    i do not know you but what you have shared on your blog... but Jesus let me drop in today and i hope i have not overstepped my bounds by commenting. I read through some of your previous posts, and am so happy for your journey!
    i only mean to send encouragement across the miles, because who wouldn't need that? ...and tell you are a blessing!
    xoxo, rene