Sailing on a Ship

WOW!! Thank you everyone for letting me know that I'm heard! And, that I'm prayed for!! It means SO much to me!

Today has been incredibly full, and it's only 2 PM!

I had an early wake-up call of 5:30 because my team had to make 200 pancakes to distribute to local school kids. Last night I wanted to cry just at the thought of waking up that early but, so far it's been the best part of my day! It was SO fun being the ONLY ones awake on the base! We were all in the kitchen listening to music, spilling milk & flour everywhere, and grilling (and nibbling on) massive amounts of pancakes! I was the worst pancake maker of the group...I habitually flipped them too early and they always turned out albino looking. But, they tasted just fine to me!

After making the pancakes we headed upstairs for one last lecture with Tom Hallas from 7:30 to 8:30, he explained how some things get incredibly lost in translation and he corrected some of those mistakes in the Bible, very interesting. After that "short" lecture we headed to our morning work duties and then up to the worship hall for the beginning of "God's Heart for the Nations Conference".

We're having a "conference" here at our base (the guests consist of my schoolmates, the staff, the invited speakers, and about 3 other people...weird to call that a "conference" but, whatever.) We have morning sessions and evening sessions which began last night. Today's session began at 10 and ended at 1:00 with a short 10 minute break at 11. Just remember, that's in addition to the hour long lecture this morning and then another two hour long session tonight. If you add correctly that's 6 hours of teaching in ONE day...needless to say, my mind is having a LOT of trouble staying focused...and awake.

Anyways, after a quick bite to eat I took an even quicker shower - which was DELICIOUSLY warm, (It's STILL freezing here...if you ever want to get me a present send me WARM SOCKS with cute designs on them, its like my new thing!!) :)

In approximately thirty minutes I'll head out with my team to help host an indigenous youth group, then straight back here to clean up dinner and immediately attend the conference tonight. It makes me tired just typing it.

But, for this short while I have a break - a much needed and much appreciated break. I feel as if those will become few and far between soon, but maybe by then I'll be used to functioning on passion alone.

On a fabulous note, I found out that my family MIGHT come visit me soon!!! Well, soon as in for my "graduation" in February! I'm trying to convince them to take Kev too :) So, to all my prayer warriors please keep that in mind ;)

Before I leave I wanted to share with you some lyrics that I think describe what I'm going through VERY well! They're by Phil Wickham (of course...):

A voice is on the wind
It calls me further in
I'm heading deeper into Your heart
Your mark is on my chest
My sails filled with your breath
You guide me by the light of the sun

I'm sailing on a ship that's bound for life
I wrestle with the wind against the tide
I'd leave it all behind to reach for more
I'm sailing on to Your golden shore, to Your golden shore

The skies go blue to grey
And I'm thrown from wave to wave
You still will hear these lungs singing hard
With every storm I face
I find a greater grace
That pulls me deeper into Your heart

I'm sailing on a ship that's bound for life
I wrestle with the wind against the tide
I'd leave it all behind to reach for more
I'm sailing on to Your golden shore, to Your golden shore

(end of lyrics)

I often times find that lyrics express my complex feelings far better than I can, and those lyrics really express them well! I absolutely feel like I'm on this journey with God, but not just WITH him I'm actually headed somewhere; there's a definite destination that I'm going to get to - I just don't know where it is yet. There are times when I feel like I'm thrown from one wave to the next, but I know that he hears me when I cry out with my little tiny human lungs and He pulls me close to his warm heart. It's not the easiest "sail" I've ever had, I really do have to wrestle against the winds and tides of myself, my own desires, my own distractions, even people that sometimes hold me back, but as soon as I let go of all of those things it opens my hands to reach for more of him. And when it gets so hard that I feel like I can't do it alone, I realize that I'm not - my sails are "filled with HIS breath", I don't have to push so hard to fill my own sails HE does it for me. And, no matter if the skies are blue or grey I can always look to His face and remember that this ship I'm on is bound for life, not death, not pain, not "hard work to make me stronger, it is really bound for absolute LIFE - abundant, golden, warm, FULL LIFE! It makes me feel alive just typing it!

And then when I think about how much this song touches my heart I remember how sad I am that Phil Wickham is married... :)

Anyways, I just thought you would all want to know how my heart's doing and not just how my body is! Now I'm off to play some "handball" with some little kiddos!

G'Later Everyone!!! :)